“You win the victory when you
yield to friends.”
-
Sophocles
Have you ever had a friend
who has to get the last word in no matter what? This otherwise great person
also professes to be an expert on just about any subject matter you discuss
with them, whether they actually are or not! The problem with having such an
attitude towards learning is that you never truly become a student of anything
if you believe that you are already an expert at it! The concept of associating
with people who are smarter than you is at the very core of this method. When
you allow yourself to yield to your friends’ wisdom, knowledge and experience,
such relationships begin to enrich you personally and create positive change in
your life.
While annoying friends are
one thing, having an obnoxious family member, co-worker or co-parent with whom
you raise your child is another animal altogether! Though there are people with
whom you currently associate that you can easily remove from your life, there are
many others with whom you must interact regardless of your lack of affection
for them. In these cases, you are powerless to permanently remove certain
individuals from your life. Like the serenity prayer suggests, you must ask God
for the serenity to accept those associations who you cannot remove from your
life, for the courage to change or eliminate toxic relationships that you can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Serenity to accept those associations who
you cannot remove from your life
“After an argument, silence
may mean acceptance or the continuation of resistance by other means.”
-
Mason Cooley
Many times, it is our silence
that gives us power over those who cannot be removed from our lives. When
choosing to respond to such individuals, select your words very carefully. Our
words can be used against us very easily and out of context long after the conversation
has ended. Whether these conversations take place in person, through electronic
messaging or on a social media platform, carefully use the utmost discretion
and tact when corresponding with those who you know are not your friends. Intentional
misquotes and misunderstandings can be used as a weapon by those who consider
themselves our adversaries. Take courage, this exact problem is shared by just
about everyone you have ever met. The only plausible way to achieve zero
enemies in life is to abandon society completely and go live in the woods as a
hermit or become a permanent recluse from civilization. Hopefully, such drastic
measures of anti-social abandonment of society are not among your personal
goals. Think about it, do you like everyone that you have ever met? Assuming
that your answer to this question is no, then why would you expect everyone with
whom you are acquainted to like you? By far, the best thing you can do for your
peace of mind and mental health is learning to accept that there will always be
a few people who you must regularly interact with that you are not going to
like and further accept that there will also be those who will not like you
either! By identifying and accepting these types of relationships, you will experience
a peaceful serenity through your ability to yield to their unchangeable nature.
Courage to change or eliminate toxic
relationships
“Relationships are supposed
to make you feel good. Relationships are NOT supposed to make you feel bad. Or
guilty, insecure, ashamed, paranoid, or hopeless. Good. So when a relationship
makes you feel bad, guilty, insecure, ashamed, paranoid, or hopeless, end it.”
-
Laura Bowers
While it’s vital to identify
and accept those relationships we cannot change, it’s equally important to recognize
those toxic relationships that we can do something about. For instance, we can
decide to try and fix a broken relationship through intervention and positive
interactions. Conversely, if we have previously failed to repair a relational
breach multiple times, then we must use sound judgment to determine whether or
not a relationship is even worth salvaging. In such a circumstance, we must
choose to jettison this excess baggage and terminate our association with this
person for the sake of our own sanity and peace. Ending any relationship is
difficult and uncomfortable. In order to prevent cutting someone out of your
life prematurely, ensure that you have taken every reasonable measure to reach
out to this person. Honesty and openness are crucial to making progress when
approaching someone who has offended you. Make certain that this person knows
why you are upset and what expectations you have for the future of this
relationship. Give explicit details as to what went wrong and set boundaries
for ongoing interaction. Be prepared to enforce your boundaries no matter what
occurs afterwards. If you and this person cannot mutually agree to restore your
association in a reasonable amount of time, then do whatever is necessary and
reasonable to remove this person from your life.
Wisdom to know the difference
“Learn to be indifferent to
what makes no difference.”
-
Marcus Aurelius
True wisdom is demonstrated by
learning to recognize the difference between something that needs to be
rectified and something that needs to be accepted. Some relationships are far
too integrated into our lives to simply end our association with someone when
they happen to fall out of our good graces. Often times, those that only irritate
us a little we are eager to accept while those who we find to be unpleasant we
feel must be immediately ostracized from our relationships. While this
approach may seem sensible on the surface, is this really the best way to be
making decisions about who we allow to remain in our lives? There may be those
who are easier to get along with, yet bring no intrinsic value or edification
to our existence. Conversely, there are others who are incredibly annoying who
have the innate ability to aid us in our life’s mission far more than their
amiable counterparts. Choosing your associations based solely on which people you
like the most is an irresponsible method of selecting those who you keep
company with in life. When selecting between those who remain in your circle of
associations and those who need to be expelled for one reason or another, be
sure to weigh all the pros and cons of what each person brings to the table. Do
not be swayed unilaterally by feelings, affections and emotions that are based solely
on the charismatic charm or easy going nature of the persons in question. For
instance, when dealing with difficult people, I have found that great genius is
often overlooked because they are a little rough around the edges and not as
smooth and endearing as those of a lesser intellectual capacity. Evaluate each
person based on the entirety of what they offer, not simply predicated on their
social skills alone.
Comments
Post a Comment