“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”
-
Albert Schweitzer
Being thankful for the important
people in our lives is critical to maintaining current associations. Equally as
vital, expressing thankfulness and gratitude when meeting new people becomes a
great asset for anyone who hopes to expand their network of possible future
associations. Such a prevailing attitude of positivity projects benevolence and
altruistic intentions when engaging potential friends, acquaintances and business
partners. Thankfulness goes beyond simply being polite and courteous. The main
difference between thankfulness and gratitude is that the word “thankful”
implies that the recipient has communicated their gratefulness to their benefactor.
One may simply express being grateful by smiling or appearing happy for a kind gesture,
relationship or gift. However, thankfulness takes it one step further. By
saying “thank you,” in one form or another, an individual not only identifies
that they value the gesture, but also goes as far as thanking the person who
provided the altruistic action. Simply being grateful for kindness is only part
of the relational equation. Saying “thank you” sends a message that is
recognized and understood by the recipient that their actions and kind gestures
are valuable to you. By committing to a life of relational thankfulness, you
engender trust, mutual respect and the likelihood of being thanked for your
future actions of goodwill towards them. Whether you met someone yesterday or
have known them for a lifetime, expressing thankfulness is necessary in any
relationship. Whether those people are long-time associations, former
associations or new associations, being thankful for anyone who has brought
valuable experiences into your life recognizes their contribution to the person
who you are today.
Thankfulness for long-time associations
I could probably write an
entire book filled with examples on how lifelong friends make a remarkable
impact on the lives of their interconnected associations. I might even choose
to cite specific examples of how each of my personal lifelong friends has made
their mark on the person who I am today and how their friendship has changed me
throughout the years. However, for this specific writing, I will use the
generic names Billy and Brian. Demonstrating thankfulness for these close
friends of yours will influence how your relationship with each of them
develops over time. In some cases, such thankfulness, or lack thereof, may
result in their friendship with you continuing for many years or coming to a
premature close.
I have known Billy for as
long as I can remember. We grew up in the same neighborhood, went to the same
schools and even graduated from high school together! Imagine if Billy had
asked me if I wanted to join him and his family out on the lake this coming
weekend. I would gladly accept at the prospect of cruising around on his boat,
grilling out afterwards and spending time swimming and acting silly with his
three kids. Now, imagine that Billy made this a regular invitation week after
week during the warm weather months for many years. What if I never said “thank
you” or showed any appreciation for those times of relaxation and recreation?
What if I came over week after week and ate their food, used their boat and
maybe even showered and changed clothes there regularly? What if I never offered
to bring any food, drink or dessert or give their kids any gifts or surprises every
once in a while? Would Billy wonder if I was thankful for his kindness? It’s
likely that Billy would no longer be inviting me to spend the weekend at the
lake soon enough.
Well, so much for Billy this
weekend! Let’s see what Brian has going on instead. I have known Brian for
nearly as long as I had known Billy. While Brian does not have a boat on the
lake, he spends his weekends running a successful resort and spa location in
the area. In response to Billy being astonishingly unavailable (wonder why??),
I call up my friend Brian to see if he can get me a deal on a stay at his resort
and comp me a room in their onsite condos for the weekend. Of course, my
generous friend Brian says, “I would love to have you stay here! We can catch
up while you enjoy the attractions. Just let me know when you are coming!” So,
without further adieu, I tell Brian that this coming weekend works best for me.
Brian puts me up in this 4th story condo overlooking the entire
resort. On the west side of the building are rolling hills overlooking a
beautifully landscaped golf course. On the south side, my balcony overlooks a
cresting river dotted with pine trees and a serene nature backdrop. Because of
Brian, I have access to the spa, buffet and even river rafting tours from a few
of his own employees! Now, imagine if I only talk to Brian when I needed
something during my stay. What if I never thanked him for his gracious offer? Would
it be long before Brian would consider cutting ties with me due to a lack of
thankfulness on my part?
While I realize that these
may be exaggerated and abbreviated examples as to how a lack of thankfulness
can negatively impact a relationship, people have drifted apart for far less
than a lack of gratitude. Whatever you appreciate in life will be amplified and
whatever you do not appreciate will become diminished over time. Ensure that
the comfortable nature of your relationships with long-time associations does
not lead you to take these people for granted. Billy and Brian are people just
like you and me. Everyone wants to be appreciated, respected and thanked for
their efforts. Make sure that you do your part, or the Billy and Brian’s in
your life may become former associations.
Thankfulness for former associations
There are many reasons why
those who were once our friends no longer are on good terms with us. It may
simply be because of a long-distance move. Other times, it may have been a
long-time co-worker with whom you lost touch with after changing jobs.
Unfortunately, there are also times in which we choose to separate ourselves
from people who are using us, such as in my example with Billy and Brian.
Whatever the case, it is important that when we think of these people that we
do so in a manner of thankfulness. It may be that though someone was using you
for your access to lakefront property, that this person had also been a much closer
friend at an earlier stage in your life. Perhaps this person introduced you to
your wife, helped you cram for a crucial final exam or lent you his manual
transmission automobile to practice on so that you could buy your very first
new car that only came in a stick-shift option. Chances are, this person had
value to you at one point or you would likely not have spent enough time around
them for their presence to make a significant impact on your past life.
Sometimes, people come into
our lives very quickly and disappear just as abruptly as they entered. This is
true in circumstances of a brief marriage that ends in divorce, a co-worker
friend who quickly trained you and put you in a position to be promoted only to
get a different job themselves or a person who helped you escape an addiction
or unhealthy lifestyle. Even though the duration of time was much shorter than
that of a long-time association, their impact played a significant part in the
trajectory of your life. Though they were not in it for the long haul, their
influence led to your success in a direct or indirect way. Be thankful for the
brief role that they played in your past experience
Thankfulness for new associations
So, if Billy and Brian are
out, then I am going to need some new friends, aren’t I? Getting new friends,
while not always easy, can be far less difficult than keeping friends.
Maintaining relationships with new people must be built on honesty, trust and
mutual respect. How can anyone believe that you respect them if you appear to
never express thankfulness for their efforts, favors or presence in your life? One
of the most common explanations as to why many new friends drift apart before a
long-term relationship can develop is because either they feel that you do not
have enough in common with them or that they do not feel appreciated. Clearly,
there are other factors that play a role in cementing new friendships. However,
the role that thankfulness plays in making strides towards keeping new people
in our lives is undeniably powerful.
We must also be careful of recency bias when meeting new people. Sometimes, it is easy to get caught up in the excitement of meeting a new friend that we immediately begin considering if we should supplant one of our “inner five” in exchange for this interesting person whom we have recently met. Let time tell the tale if this person should earn your confidence enough to have that intimate level of access to you. The level of influence that your inner five exert over the trajectory of your life is critical to your success or failure in your purpose and life’s mission. Do not entrust just anyone with that position of power. While you should express thankfulness to your new friend, be equally thankful to those inner five who have proven themselves trustworthy to attain that level of trust and confidence in your life.
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