“As we are, so we associate.
The good, by affinity, seek the good. Thus of their own volition, souls proceed
into Heaven, into Hell.”
-
Ralph Waldo
Emerson
Be sure to always use wisdom
in your decision making process regarding your choice of associations. The
people you allow into your life have a great deal more influence than you might
believe. From whom you frequently relate to within social interactions, your significant
other, friends, business networking acquaintances and relatives can cause significant
changes within your life that you might not immediately realize. These same
people affect your decisions, lifestyle choices and even your personality! Even
your parents likely told you not to spend too much time with a friend or two
throughout your childhood because they considered them to be a “bad influence.”
Similarly, as adults we must be equally diligent to ensure that those who have
the most access to us are positive influences on our lives.
The wisdom of who you associate
with can be found in questioning the purpose of your current and future social
interactions. For instance, with whom are you currently associating? What is
the purpose of the relationships with your closest associations? When should
you reassess your associations? Where will you go to discover future
associations? Why are your inner circle associations worthy? In this section, I
will be discussing the necessary questions that you must pose and answer to
discover the wisdom in your personal pursuit of maintaining and advancing your
network of associations.
With whom are you associating?
“Tell me with whom you
associate, and I will tell you who you are.”
-
Johann Wolfgang
von Goethe
In
many cases, wisdom begins in questioning the status quo of our society, our own
personal choices or the very nature of things that we have previously held as
true. In relation to your associations, the need for questioning who should be
in your life is just as vital as who should not be in your life. Take a quick
overview of the five people with whom you associate most frequently. What do
all of these people have in common? What makes each of these individual
associations in your inner circle unique? Are there those within your inner
circle who would be more suited to be just an acquaintance? Are there those
within your inner five that would be better for you to eliminate their
influence from your life entirely? Such questions should be pursued with the
utmost diligence when evaluating those with whom you associate the most.
Like
many other important aspects of your life, quality should always be considered
superior to quantity when selecting your friends and acquaintances. While
associating with numerous people can be extremely stimulating, the pitfalls are
not worth the risk to your success, peace of mind or distracting you from your
purpose in life. As much as possible, evaluate which of those whom you
associate can best help you complete your life’s mission. Focus the majority of
your time, resources and efforts within those relationships. Being able to
recognize the value of individual relationships and acting accordingly is
crucial to maintaining your current associations as well as wisely investing in
positive connections in the future.
What is the purpose of the relationships with your
closest associations?
“A man only learns in two
ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.”
-
Will
Whether your closest
associations are with people smarter than you, those on a similar life’s
mission or those whose morals and values edify the person you aspire to become,
each of those relationships within your inner circle must have a defined
purpose. You may well have plenty of acquaintances with whom you spend only a
little amount of time. However, those within your inner five must be
purposeful, meaningful relationships that further your particular mission for
intentional living. Keep in mind, this is a method designed to radically alter
your life’s trajectory towards not only defining your purpose, but also to see
dramatic change in a relatively short period of time. In pursuing such a goal,
every moment counts that you spend with those who cannot help you strive
towards furthering what it is that you hope to achieve. Such delays will reduce
or even eliminate time and energy that could have made it possible to live a
purposeful life much earlier than you could have achieved otherwise without
engaging such frivolous relationships.
Though such an approach
sounds harsh, living with purpose is a worthwhile endeavor that requires
discipline and honesty. Regardless of how well you may vibe with others or
enjoy the company of certain individuals, not just anyone should be given
access to the vast majority of your time. Your time is limited and none of us
truly knows exactly how much time we have to complete our life’s mission. Once
you come to a realization of how each moment will never come again, it becomes
easier to make the difficult decisions to eliminate those from our inner circle
that do not belong there.
When should you reassess your associations?
“Keep away from people who
try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really
great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
-
Mark Twain
Inside of many people is the
potential for greatness. However, most of them do not ever realize such lofty
achievements. While some may become distracted by addictions, a dead end career
or a physical ailment, many of those people never achieve greatness because of
those with whom they have chosen to associate. Perhaps it’s due to a mentor who
only expected you to become someone who could assist them, only to discover
that your potential exceeded their own. Their jealousy pushed them to keep you
down and stifle your efforts, hoping that you would never realize the treasure
inside of you. It could be that a co-worker who you trusted saw your career
potential would exceed their grasp and decided that it would be best if you
demoted yourself “for your own good,” citing that the possible stress caused by
the position would be significant. Another potential circumstance could have
been a significant other who repeatedly tried to convince you that you were far
less than you really are so that you would be too insecure to ever leave them,
only for them to leave you instead!
Whatever the case, those whom
we come to trust and rely on become either our greatest strengths or our most
vulnerable weaknesses. When you feel like you have to shrink back from the
fullness of who you truly are to receive the acceptance of those around you, it
is then that you should reassess your associations and act accordingly.
Eliminate all those from your inner circle who expect you to be less than who
and what you really are. Being true to yourself is vital to achieving your
life’s mission. Do not shrink for anyone!
Where will you go to discover future associations?
“Go out into the world today
and love the people you meet. Let your presence light new light in the hearts
of others.”
-
Mother Teresa
Though you have to be
cautious about allowing the wrong individuals into your inner circle, it is
crucial that you continually bring new acquaintances that bring positive energy
and happiness into your life. Whenever you go out into the world, choose to
venture where your energy is appreciated and reciprocated. When choosing venues
to meet new people and engage strangers in conversation, imagine the type of
person that you would like to meet. Perhaps you would value a cultural exchange
from someone who has an interest in the arts? A symphony, art museum or jazz
festival could top the list of places you might wish to attend. Do you value a
more spiritual life? A church, meditation studio, or special religious event
could be a successful location to meet people who appreciate focusing on those
things beyond our temporal existence. Is your life’s mission centered around a
medical cause such as autism awareness, breast cancer or children’s leukemia?
Volunteering for an organization like the
When your intention is to
meet new people, begin by visiting places that you might already have an
interest, but have not attended as of yet. Conversely, you might be surprised
in how someone who has different interests than you can enrich your life in unexpected
ways. Accept invitations from friends or family to outings in which you would
ordinarily decline. Expanding your horizons and exploring alternative forms of
entertainment and leisure present opportunities to interact with those to whom
you ordinarily might not be introduced.
Why are your inner circle associations worthy?
“Don’t make friends who are
comfortable to be with. Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up.”
-
Thomas J. Watson
There is a big difference
between those who may be our favorite people and those who belong in our inner
circle. While some of these people may happen to overlap, often times, those
who belong in our inner circle are the ones who motivate us, push us forward
and who challenge us to become the person that we are capable of being. Such a
relationship is not always comfortable, but it is extremely beneficial!
Surrounding yourself with people who are not as smart, ambitious or talented as
you may give a slight boost to your ego, but it does absolutely nothing for
your long-term success. In order to achieve the greatness that you are capable
of manifesting, you must give the proper place to those in your life who
challenge you to become more than you are. Each of us has untapped talent
waiting to be unleashed upon the world. The problem is, those we typically surround
ourselves with either hinder our efforts or keep us in our comfort zone. Greatness
is nowhere near your comfort zone!
In this method, I regularly
reference the terms “inner circle” or “inner five” interchangeably. While you
can have more than five people in your inner circle, I feel as if by setting a
limit to the number of people who achieve that limited access to you, then you
begin to evaluate each individual more closely. The reason I prefer to set a
number is because in order for a new person to achieve that level, one person
from your former “inner five” must be replaced. Such scrutiny causes you to
more carefully consider the pros and cons of each new person compared to your
current circle, thus leading the selection process towards continuous
improvement.
Comments
Post a Comment