“I awoke this morning with
devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new.”
-
Ralph Waldo
Emerson
No matter what blessings you
have in any aspect of your life, if you are not thankful for them, then you
will likely not have them for long. What you are thankful for you will
appreciate. More times than not, what you appreciate will be increased and
reciprocated in kind. The same holds true for those with whom you associate.
Whether your associations are family members, friends, acquaintances or your
co-workers, the positive interactions in your life which demonstrate your
appreciation and thankfulness will be like sowing seed in fertile ground. These
positive interactions will become investments of loyalty, trust, friendship and
love. These seeds will produce a harvest in your life that will bring to
fruition lifelong friends, intimate lovers and co-workers whose relationships
with you will transcend the boundaries of the workplace. In some special circumstances,
co-workers who transition into becoming your close personal friends may
eventually find themselves fully integrated into your personal life. Thankfulness
and gratitude are among the most pivotal of all interpersonal skills to master.
No matter how long you have known someone, there are always opportunities to
demonstrate thankfulness for those in your life. Whether those people are long-time
associations, former associations or new associations, being thankful for the
relationships, opportunities and lessons learned from those currently in our
lives and from our past will continue to enrich our life experience for years
to come.
Thankfulness for long-time associations
While not true for everyone,
most people have at least a few individuals in their lives who they have known
for many years. Whether these people are childhood friends from the
neighborhood in which they grew up, school classmates or friends of their
immediate family, there are individuals who have influenced our lives for many years
or in some cases perhaps even decades! Often times, these associations are so
profound and seminal in our life experiences that these people almost become
like family. For many of those long-time associations, the roots of friendship
and respect run deep. These ties become so intertwined with our personal
identities that each of us would be a completely different person had those
influences not become an integral part of our past.
Find creative and fresh ways
to show your long-time associations your thankfulness and appreciation for
everything that they bring to the table. Keep in mind, not everyone perceives
value the exact same way. While one person may value gifts and monetary
expenditures, another may value quality time far more than any amount of money
spent. Know what exactly makes your long-time associations feel valued and
appreciated and act accordingly. You never truly know exactly how much time you
have with anyone in this world. Make sure that those who you value most know
how you feel about them. You never know when you will see them for the last
time. Every day is precious. Be thankful for their contributions in the past
and remind them often.
Unfortunately, there are
times when we take our long-time associations for granted. We think to ourselves
that Billy or Brian has always been there and will continue to be no matter
what occurs in our lives. While this is true in some cases, Billy and Brian are
people just like you and me. Everyone knows enough to go where their energies
are appreciated and reciprocated. While Billy and Brian may have a great deal
of affection and respect for you, if you continually show them that their
efforts are expected and taken for granted, then their attitudes and actions
towards you may change over time. You may even discover that Billy and Brian
aren’t around as much as they used to be. This is what’s commonly known as
“drifting apart.” Many factors such as life’s circumstances, your current
spouse’s opinion, job changes or long-distance moves can impact your ongoing relationship
with Billy and Brian. Even so, a disappointing number of instances can be
attributed to simply not appreciating Billy and Brian as you once did. The
extraordinary relationship you had with those guys became ordinary. Their
efforts became expected rather than appreciated. You did not express your
thankfulness for their friendship in a way that they noticed or valued. If your
thankfulness is not demonstrated properly, then your long-time associations could
soon become former associations.
Thankfulness for former associations
As many long-term
associations as each of us have, we each have far more former associations.
Whether these people are former long-term associations who drifted away, former
co-workers or prior significant others, each of our previous long-term
associations who are no longer an active part of our lives still have a valid
impact on who we are today. In many cases, our values, past experiences and
even aspects of our personality can be attributed to former associations. You
may argue that former associations are “former” for a reason. There may be a
very valid reason why you cut these people out of your life. Even so, this
section is not devoted to asking you to hunt down people you used to know and
thanking them or showing appreciation in any way. Conversely, this section is
more of a self-reflective appreciation for the life experiences and lessons
learned from those experiences.
For instance, let’s use
former significant others as our first example. Without using names or simply
complaining about your ex, use their bad behaviors in a positive way. Tell your
current significant other about all the things that they do right. For example,
if your ex was controlling and had trust issues, make sure to tell your current
significant other how much you value their trust and respect for your space.
Avoid talking about your ex at all cost unless directly questioned about them. Such
constant complaining about an ex partner makes your current significant other
feel as though there is still an emotional attachment to the former partner.
Such actions can be counterproductive and can lead to feelings of insecurity in
the relationship.
Another way to demonstrate
thankfulness for your former associations is to use your past as a template for
present and future interpersonal relationships. While having a buddy who’s
always borrowing money or staring at your significant other’s rear end isn’t
favorable, it does teach you what behaviors to watch out for in the future.
Remind your current associations how you value the ways in which they differ
from those you had to cut out of your life. Even for most short-term
relationships such as co-workers, you can still show thankfulness when someone
consistently goes out of their way to help you on the job. Whether they help
you complete your tasks in a timely manner, remind you of that meeting you
forgot or even just stop by to greet you once or twice a day, remembering to
acknowledge how much their ongoing efforts means to you demonstrates
thankfulness in a very personal way. Telling them how you are thankful that
they are not like someone else you once knew makes them aware that you
recognize their efforts as special and valued by you. Unfortunately, most
people in the workplace are there to do their minimum amount of work and go
home without helping anyone who cannot help them. Demonstrating thankfulness to
those who go above and beyond that commonality is vital to both your personal
growth and towards making new associations.
Thankfulness for new associations
Making new friends, interacting
with new people and helping new co-workers are great ways to open doors of
opportunity to expand your network of associations. Whether in a social
setting, in the workplace or incidental contact at a grocery store or sporting
event, meeting new people is an integral part of human social interaction. Widening
your circle can be both beneficial and dangerous. While there is nothing wrong
with engaging new people in topics of common interest, being wary of whom you
allow into your inner circle is of utmost importance. Make sure that your
morals, values and unique life purpose align most closely with those whom you
spend the greatest amount of time. Ensure that when you are allowing new people
to interact with your family, close friends and significant other that they are
honest people who have a similar world view to yours and that their morals and
values closely align with your own.
There is so much negativity
in our world today. Social interaction in modern society has reached such narcissistic,
toxic levels that people do not necessarily need to have an amazing level of
empathic awareness to discern the vibes of anyone that they meet. Even perfect strangers can read each other
almost immediately because of the stark contrast between the negative, self
absorbed vibe that most people put off nowadays. Instead, show your
thankfulness for each new interaction by projecting positive vibes and
altruistic intentions. At the end of each conversation, be sure to thank them
for engaging you and express your enjoyment for the experience. Common courtesy
is so uncommon these days that people think that you are making some special
effort to be nice. I realize it’s deceptively simple, but in order to make new
friends, it helps quite a bit to be friendly!
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