Associations

 

 

 

“If you choose bad companions, no one will believe that you are anything but bad yourself.”

 

-        Aesop

 

 

Our direction in life is often impacted greatly by those with whom we associate. Whether it is our spouse, friends or family, each person we allow access to our world affects us more than we could ever realize. From where we decide to go to college, what area of the country we intend to live or even the career path we choose, the people that we spend the most time with exert a great amount of influence. More often than not, associations are a greater factor in one’s success or failure in life than many actually believe or admit.

 

 

Do you remember the last time that you were in a toxic long-term romantic relationship? How integrated were your lives? Was the relationship with a co-worker? Did you live together? Were there common friends even before the romance blossomed? Were you both living in the same city or town? Were you married to each other? Did you have kids together? Were your family and their family friends with each other? For some facing divorce or other long-term relationship breakups, the answers might be yes to most or all of the above! While there are many varied examples of how friendships, relationships and other types of associations can end badly, this is the most obvious example of how integrated people become in our lives.

 

 

As most of us well know, you do not have to be in a romantic relationship with someone in order for them to wreak havoc over your entire life. Friendships can be difficult to end, especially if they were someone with whom you shared your childhood. For some long-term friendships, the bonds can even be stronger than family. For those with a difficult home life during childhood, this person or persons could have been a confidant in whom you placed a level of trust that most of your family members have never achieved with you before or since. Unfortunately, life moves at a blisteringly fast pace and people grow apart. Whether by life’s circumstances, a long distance move or simply growing beyond the person you used to be, there are times when we feel that we must cut ties with individuals from our past for our ongoing growth, maturation and peace of mind.

 

 

Life is a journey that is unique to you. Your associations are those with whom you have chosen to take along with you on this journey. Imagine that life was like taking a long-distance vacation with a large group of people. Unlike your fellow college friends at spring break going to Cancun, this vacation will be different. Each person that you choose to invite must have a purpose for being there. Do they have a special skill that you lack? Are there people that you choose to bring along because you enjoy their company? Are you bringing along the person with whom you are in love? Does someone offer resources that you could not attain without their assistance? No matter what your reasons are, each person who takes part in this journey with you needs to enrich you in some way.

 

 

Now, imagine that you are on a ship on the ocean at your chosen destination. All of your associations are surrounding you on deck. Everyone seems to be having a great time; or at the very least seems to be amicable enough or productive in one way or another. Then, all of a sudden there is a storm that is tossing the boat back and forth on the water’s surface. Some people are rushing to help while others are readying the life jackets and lifeboats just in case this disaster becomes worse and evacuation becomes necessary. Someone announces that the ship is taking on water due to a hull breach. You and several others rush towards the lower decks to help patch any leaks and prevent new ones from forming. To your utter shock, a few of your associations are drilling holes into the hull of the ship and have a partially inflated raft that they are unpacking from storage. You immediately realize the truth: these people came along to be a part of your journey with the intention of sinking your ship!

 

 

Sadly, many of those with whom you associate and even some of your inner circle of friends simply do not have your best interests in mind. They are joining you on your journey with the sole intention of sinking your ship. Though they are friendly, all of these people are definitely not your friends! There are those who are sabotaging you from the success that you could achieve because they recognize your potential. They are envious of you when others recognize that potential and this causes friction between you and them. They want what you have. However, since they cannot take away your power unless you give it away, they choose to sabotage your efforts in hopes that you will simply give up and quit. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to eliminate every saboteur and fake friend without being some kind of hermit in the woods or a paranoid shut-in. Even so, it’s definitely possible to reduce the likelihood of being exposed to this risk by tightening your circle, reducing the amount of people you associate with and eliminating toxic people from your life. While knowing what to do is important, the hard part is intentionally cutting people out of your life who are either not helping you get your ship to it’s destination or are drilling holes into the hull!